Operation
SCULimpics 2006
We did SCULimpics at ArtBeat again and it was awesome. We totally stole the show and stuff, but MoBot showed us up. We first were on Day Street, which is where we were last year and it was awesome. Then we got moved to Elm Street, which would've sucked, so we got moved to Dover street instead, but there were too many cars, so we got put back on Day Street.



It was hot, and we moved lots of shirts and Ghostrides and stickers. More importantly, we did SCULimpics. Iscari0t set a new record for Donut. I saw it and I didn't believe it. I still don't.



We started with the SCUL 100. The cones just didn't stay still. Threespeed showed everyone up by winning the event while doing the last ten laps backwards (by backwards I mean clockwise) and winning. Skunk got the silver and later gave it to a civi kid. Captain Undies finished in third. Many pilots gave up. Nobody threw up.



Then we did the Limbo. Skunk tried and failed to raise the bar and replace it on Skylab. Then Blockhead tried and failed it on Subot EI. Every other pilot tied for third and it was broken by a vicious seven way game of Rocks, Paper Scissors. Iscari0t won that to take Bronze. Nosepicker came in a stunning second and Threespeed got another Gold.



From there we did donut. Blockhead came in third with 38.8 points, which was pretty fast. It wasn't as fast as Ferret, who came close to the old record of 25.29 seconds with an even 26. Of course, he was completely overshadowed in his heat since he was going up against Iscari0t who won with a ridiuculous time of 15.27 seconds. It was probably sooner, but the timer was in shock. He swallowed the donut whole or something. I still don't believe it.



The Doublemint was next. FlyBoy came in thrid with 40.9 seconds. Ace Hole made silver with 37.6 seconds. Mr. Picker picked his way to a 29.1 win.



After the DoubleMint, Samurai worked the crowd into a frenzy with Kick the Casper. She got a mention on Craigslist out of it. Dreamer and Nameless tied for third, but Nameless opted out of a round of twenty-first-finger-is-t, so Dreamer got the chrome. Ferret weaseled his way into second (HA! GET IT!) and Moose, uhm, moosed his way to the gold.



After Kicking Caspers we went all Monkey. Fixie did her share of the lap, but her monkey pilot didn't want to exit the womb to take the ride back. TexAss and Hapto came in with 32.3 for third. Dillweed and Picker used 100hz's basket well to get 29 seconds and second place. Moose and 3Spd came in just .3 seconds quicker to win gold.



Then we debuted a BRAND NEW EVENT. It was called the swimsuit competition. We dressed up pilots in layered and they rode around removing clothes back down to their swimsuits without touching the ground. Rubbish came in third, Captain Undies in second, but Grimlocke was the fastest to shed her spacesuit.



The only thing that could follow that was ChopperHaul. The crowd really got into this. We loaded up so many bikes that maybe four people made it past the finish line. Skunk set the bar early with zero. Flyboy got ambitious with six, but didn't make it. Mars also failed with six. Iscariot cleared two to set a new bar, but then TexAss showed him up with three. Maggot Slash and Burn ultimately showed up everyone coming across with five bikes. It broke the 2x4 we used for limbo, but, hey, less stuff to shuttle back.



The day winding to an end, it was time to get pumping. We set a new record here as Nosepicker broke a new pump in 0.00000001 seconds. Moose took gold with 37 seconds. AceHole took another silver with 43. Masokist and Hapto tied, but I forget who won the Native American Wrestling Contest to claim bronze.



Then we ended as we always do, with Derby. We split the riders into two groups of seven. The first seven raced and the last three in advanced. Then we did the same with the other seven. Then the people who didn't qualify raced again and the last two advanced to the final heat. Confused yet? We were. Nixie blew out a brand new tire. Not a tube, a whole tire. He didn't make it to the finals. Iscari0t did, and he claimed a final bronze. AceHole and CaptainUnderpants were the last two and they showed a virtuoso display of chopperfying. Until they crashed into each other, that is. They both fell, but AceHole fell faster and Captain Underpants got a final gold.



Nobody was cited for doping after the event.
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
AceHole Skylab 70.85   Lieutenant
Asterix Darkendank 40.254   Recruit
BlockheadBuriBukh Subot EI 344.09  
CaptainUnderpants Summer 87.293  
dillweed 100Hz 32.048  
Dreamer Annihilation 76.94  
Fleet Admiral Skunk Cloudbuster 86.719  
Grimlocke ExxxonValdez 50  
Iscariot Sloth 21.86  
Masokist Kittin With A Whip 50  
pecan Sugardaddy 28.401  
SecretChief Vertigo 86.153  
Sweetums Dr. Love 60.441   Senior Chief Petty Officer
Threespeed BurningChrome 48.379  
Mission Task Pilot
Filmer BlockheadBuriBukh
Division: MAD
Date: 07/15/2006
Status:  
Origin: Fort Summer
Destination: Superstardom and Stuperpidity
Light Years: 4
G-Well Activity: 1
Technical Rating: 1
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