Cranktabulous Alphamission!
Twenty-six pilots showed up for tonight's mission. We had everyone
seasoned vets of 16 years to maggots to guests. Even EvilTwin
appeared from the New York Galaxy. Three ships were
christened: SMM HelloKilly with matching pilot spacesuit, FTL Artemis
was prepared to defend the universe, and ARP Roll Bounce, the full
suspension eccentric wheel bicycle designed to suck fuel and save you
from chopper crotch.

The mission objective
was a standard op to patrol the local constellations as we got our
sea legs back. Early on, a couple pilots took tumbles as they had to
readjust to the gravity and solar winds of the local planets, but
quickly recovered.

We headed through the Porter, Davis, Harvard and
Central constellations. On the way we noticed that Stogie was taking
many spacewalks. When we stopped for refueling, we saw the issue.
The pin to his chain ring had sheared off causing him to lose
with his two stroke engine and resulting in failed ignition. While
consumed unsavory snacks, he attempted to make a little chain loop to
try to reconnect to his two stroke engine. We left Luna 7/11 but
shortly thereafter the call went up the line. "Mechanical!" The
repair had failed, so several pilots got to work on another solution.
This one involved completely disassembling the bottom bracket and
installing a chain loop as a spacer to bypass the stripped crank
threads. While pilots worked on the field repair, others passed the
time with lots of grooving, pushups and yoga. Waltor and Diva burned
up on re-entry in a super-lame-o-bailout maneuver.

With spirits high, and MRG Vindaloo back together, the fleet set off
once more. Alas, our creative repair lasted a whole 5 seconds, and
then Stogie was dead in the water again. Refusing to allow him to
bail on the mission, we came up with a better idea... to tow him
behind USB ChromePony.

That settled, we headed off to a derby lot, where many many fun derby
antics ensued. At this point, Stogie attempted another repair for
Vindaloo using his belt which allowed him to derby once before it
broke again. Dreadflint and SelfDestruct took each other out in a
spectacular hugging crash. Derby winners included Nosepicker, Kpafun,
Moose, Wombat, and possibly others I am forgetting.

Once we had had our derby fill, and MSG SecretAsianSCULly got a flat
repaired, we headed back to base without further incident. At the
landing pad, baby maggots Piranha and Waldo (found him!) were
properly hazed per tradition, followed by celebratory smooch and hug
(respectively, to each respective hosts) as they ascend to maggot-

Despite the mechanicals, this was a super fun mission!

Pilot Ship Points Promotion
BaneThunderwolf Skylab 488.906   Petty Officer 1st Class
Buckminister Immaculate Taco 193.58   Aviator First Class
Civitron Artemis 505.874   Chief Petty Officer
Diva Incineraider 316.166   Petty Officer 2nd Class
DreadFlint Chrome Pony (Bombardier) 146.523   Aviator First Class
EvilTwin Largactyl 162.048   Aviator First Class
eXceSs Chrome Pony 305.109   Petty Officer 2nd Class
Fleet Admiral Skunk Cloudbuster 1131.86   Ensign
hackworth Roll Bounce 1501.32   Lieutenant Commander
Instigator Yer Mom 0   Recruit
Joyride Katana 135.34   Aviator First Class
Kpafun Ez Raider 73.1291   Aviator
moose LokiDucker 433.077   Petty Officer 1st Class
Nosepicker Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino 195.75   Aviator First Class
Piranha Dr. Love 0   Recruit
Q Delirium 127.885   Aviator First Class
SelfDestruct Pale Horse 329.57   Petty Officer 2nd Class
SevenOfNine Compliance 655.974   Senior Chief Petty Officer
Stogie Vindaloo 624.71   Senior Chief Petty Officer
Treekiller Greed 356.982   Petty Officer 2nd Class
vomit Famine 415.52   Petty Officer 1st Class
Waldo Annihilation 0   Recruit
waltor Singularity 211.201   Petty Officer 3rd Class
Wombat Vertigo 354.308   Petty Officer 2nd Class
yt SecretAsianSCULly 543.572   Chief Petty Officer
ZyGoat Hello, KILLY! 153.71   Aviator First Class
Mission Task Pilot
Airlock eXceSs
Chalk Bag Waldo
ComSat Monkey vomit
Damage Control BaneThunderwolf
Deck Officer Fleet Admiral Skunk
Filmer hackworth
Flat Bag Nosepicker
Food Wrangler yt
Medi Bag Kpafun
Mission Leader Fleet Admiral Skunk
Mission Reporter Diva
MRC Officer hackworth
Navigator yt
RadioBox A Buckminister
Recycler Piranha
Sticker Bag Instigator
Still Cam Stogie
Tailgunner Treekiller
Tool Bag BaneThunderwolf
Wookiee Bag SelfDestruct
Division: MAD
Date: 04/07/2012
Status: Success 
Origin: Fort Tyler
Destination: Standard Patrol
Light Years: 10.58
G-Well Activity: 0.937
Technical Rating: 2.045