Once upon a time in the magical land of Launchpad, the mighty SCUL midi-chlorian army, 100,000 strong, planned its attack on the evil Das Boot. Our first objective was to obtain the skills one can only learn from late night pinball. On our way to the training facility we were diverted through the mysterious and dark Alewife mist. The armys forces, by now reduced to 80,000 due to turbulence alone, came up against a brigade of giant pond frogs. We lost 10,000 midi-chlorians to their bugeyed, slurpy tounge'd kind. Nontheless, we continued on and shortly arrived at the finest pinball training facility in all of the galaxy - the top secret Lanes and War Games facility on route 2 just west of Wholefoods.
At the facility, we refueled the ships while the pilots obtained invaluable training. The army was fortunate to meet up with Elephants, the galaxy's foremost authority on the weaponization of indie rock. After receiving our training, we continued our trek, back through the Alewife fog. A navigational mishap resulted in a sudden about face and, sadly, the loss of 5 kilamidichlorians to friendly fire.
En route to Das Boot, the ghost of Lucas befell our electrical systems and we had to make a stop, deep within storm trooper territory, in order to deploy wookie bag and get our systems back online. In order to keep up morale, Danimal attempted to fly in the forward-bombardier cockpit of Rhinoceros. After two hard landings by the stunt team, and completion of wookie repairs, the army was able to continue deeper into Marscahuset Instiptude of Techobablgy territory -- the known hiding place of Das Boot.
Spurred on by our best race car impressions, the army negotiated a Hardtaport maneuver around a large building, and Das Boot revealed itself. The army made quick work of planting explosives and making a speedy escape to safer territory.
Amazingly, no pilots were lost in the risky operations to destroy Das Boot. We regrouped at a tulip-trimmed seven-eleven and celebrated our smooth flying. The admiral gave a ceremonial good-luck kiss to the dirtiest navigational thruster in the fleet because the long route back to the fort was sure to hold many perils.
Heavy turbulence and numerous asteroid fields plagued our troops on the return home. We lost another 20,000 midi-chlorians to the treacherous space weather.Afraid we would not make it all the way back to fort, we stopped at an earth-playground to recharge. One pilot performed a risky sansaspacesuitwalk and things went up hill from there. Admiral Skunk asked us all to gather, bow our heads, immediately unbow our heads, make bow-wow noises, and give a long howl for XXIII, our newest and bestest pilot, at least for the next twenty-three seconds when Wombat came before us, usurped the lightsaber from our fearless leader, and knighted Sidekick! After a verbal and public lashing, Wombat convinced us that this was as it should be. Many hips and hurrays were hollered. We snuck away from the playground and the Storm Trooper who was spying upon our sacred ceremonies.
Cacao's butt, bigger than his welds are strong, broke his cockpit, and we stopped for emergency repairs. A few lightyears of smooth sailing brought us back to the landingpad high atop the PRU of Somerville which is really just a parking garage. Holy hella helipad Batman! We made it. A rough landing left midi-chlorians scattered beneath our wheels. And our benevolent admiral consumed another few dozen dozen dozen to keep the force strong within himself. Thanks to his stellar flying, jumping and jiving, wailin' and funk bustin', Cacao Cacao Cacao earned his status as full fledged magicalggot.
Back the ranch, we put the midicholorians in an inertial balance and confirmed that exactly ~36e3 midi-chlorians survived the successfull mission. <3 -Dreadflint
Radiation containment was the name of the game
No refilling allowed
Seek out the smoothest and least g-welled planets in the system
Zappa's got a babymaggot, and his name is Cacao
Wombat rolls the odometer on his 100th mission
Bane leads us on a loopy, turbulence-ridden but awesome off-road route
Extended shore leave at Lanes-N-Games, pinball, transport simulators, and rare earth molecules were had
Double knighting ceremony at Northpoint: Sidekick and XXIII grow their wings!
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? A: Fo' drizzle
Final radiation containment status: 36%