Newton Horizons

Mission Briefing

Those windbags down at NASA can't shut up about their recent achievement. Ten years to get to Pluto -- and you're BRAGGING about it?! SCUL's gonna fly there and back in one night.

Objective 1: Set Course for Earth - Gotta start at the same place or it doesn't count. Everyone must touchdown on Earth.

Objective 2: Stop for snacks - New Horizons did not pack ANY snacks. Can someone please tell me what the point of a Pluto run is without snacks?

Objective 3: Buzz Pluto - New Horizons came within 12,500 kilometers. Gimme a break: Each of our ships will come within 20 meters of Pluto. Piece a cake! You KNOW we're gonna take some sweet pictures, too.

"When's the next time I'm going wanna go to Earth?" I remember moaning to myself as I deleted the Sol Starcharts from my databanks to make room for the Best of Doobie Brothers FLAC files. Lucky for us, the internet's still good for some things:

SOL Starcharts, complete with a bored-out-of-his-mind Boy Scout

Mission Debriefing

New Horizons? More like *Slow* Horizons!

Mission was to visit Earth, then Pluto and still have time for snacks. You always have to have time for snacks.

While looking for Earth, Cortana was able to find a faint signal deep in space. After some tricky calibration (and our trusty chalk bag), we were able to get a complete picture of our home world in high definition.

After our first goal was completed, Admiral Skunk boosted moral by stating, "I'm going to smack that planet so hard, it's going to turn back into a planetoid". With our sights set on the 9th "planet", we performed a series of gravity assisted boosts and we entered a worm hole to help cross the "bridge" between planets.

After arriving within the vicinity of Pluto, Bane Thunderwolf was able to quickly locate the mysterious dwarf planet. With victory in our sights, the gang celebrated with snacks!

Babymaggot Eigengrau successfully completed her first mission.
Dogi displayed his heroism by piloting a ship that he did not choose.

Eat your heart out NASA!
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
BaneThunderwolf Bieber Fever 968.932   Rear Admiral, Lower Half
Cortana El Guapo 758.158   Master Chief Petty Officer
Deadblow Honey Buzzard 532.473   Captain
dogi Saint Christopher 531.216   Commander
DrClaw Shockwave 1312.55   Admiral
Eigengrau Mad Rabbit 365.754   Aviator
Fleet Admiral Skunk Cloudbuster 1001.38  
Leotard Kraken 1169.2   Lieutenant Commander
Snow Ez Raider 284.419   Petty Officer 1st Class
Taco Mjollnir 0  
Wombat Iridium 284.982  
Mission Task Pilot
Airlock Leotard
Chalk Bag Taco
Cleaner Fleet Admiral Skunk
Compressor Wrangler BaneThunderwolf
ComSat Monkey Cortana
Damage Control Leotard
Deck Officer Deadblow
Deck Officer Asst. Leotard
Flat Bag Taco
Medi Bag Eigengrau
Minister of Zoobs DrClaw
Mission Leader Fleet Admiral Skunk
Mission Pinner Taco
Mission Reporter Taco
MRC Officer DrClaw
Navigator BaneThunderwolf
Print Jockey Deadblow
RadioBox A Fleet Admiral Skunk
Radiobox B DrClaw
RadioBox C Leotard
Stellar Cartographer BaneThunderwolf
Sticker Bag BaneThunderwolf
Still Cam Cortana
Tailgunner Leotard
Tool Bag Snow
Wookiee Bag Snow
Division: MAD
Date: 08/01/2015
Status: Success 
Origin: Fort Tyler
Destination: Pluto
Light Years: 30.9772
G-Well Activity: 2.056
Technical Rating: 3.7954