Operation
Starchasers Tour de Tacky
The night was alive with the buzzing of starship pilots, eager to begin our flight through the Buttonwood Park Constellation. Our merry mission: to spread holiday cheer to ring in the new year!

Operation Tour de Tacky, the Starchasers’ annual holiday lights ride and gift drive, was in conjunction with the the South Coast LGBTQ+ Network, to collect toys and other gifts for underprivileged children. Thanks to the support of our community, including local businesses like Calico, The MadLila, Hewn, Subtext Bookshop, Dough Co., and Juice’d Cafe, as well as the local Girl Scouts troop. With their help, we were able to collect hundreds of toys for all the good little children on our list.

We established a basecamp around our usual launchpad, complete with warm coffee molecules and unsavory snacks. Our toy drop bins, already overflowing were hungry for more donations. As we set them up, there was already a line of civilians waiting to add to the pile! Santa Claus (Civiclaus? Santatron?) was there to greet everyone and deliver the mission briefing.

Shadowman led the procession of 25 festively spruced up pilots, all aboard dazzlingly decorated ships to send a joyful beacon of hope and joy into the cold depths of space. With the thermometer hovering in the mid to high 20’s F. The general consensus was that without any wind in the vacuum of space, 28 degrees wasn’t bad at all. Actually it was quite comfortable. However, after a few orbits around the park, it became clear that we were the wind and the cold prompted some pilots to abandon ship. While some packed up and left early, others stuck it out at basecamp. The remaining pilots orbited several laps around the constellation. The path was icy but spirits were warm. Everyone was having a wonderful time!

Four Starchasers (TV, Veve, Boomer, and SheRa) were knighted as Pilots, everyone finally received their colors, and then awards were presented.

Stone Cogs were awarded to Firefly, Redbeard, TV, and Boomer for displaying exceptional performance, participation, enthusiasm, and support throughout this very challenging season.

This was the first year a Starchasers pilot was eligible to receive the Iron Cog! Due to a temporal anomaly and the ever expanding heart of our charismatic cult leader by grace of the Cosmic Cog, two pilots were chosen. The Dadmiral delivered a heartfelt speech about the spirit of the Starchasers and the significance of our mission. It was all very emotional and inspiring. You really should have been there. Then, he read the beginnings of an epic poem from the Book of the Starchasers:

*******

***The Legend of the Iron Cogs***

Our adventures began back in twenty twelve
A small crew of dreamers decided to delve

Into chromasonic world of funkadelic wonder
Of cosmic indulgence and superfluous blunder

Building spaceships from bicycles found in the trash
“Safety third!” we would cry when they’d inevitably crash

But our mission expanded as things often do
Beyond fun & games tho we still do that too

We fly for freedom, for love, and for fun
For justice and equity for everyone

We aim to be helpful, dependable, trusted
And stand ever ready when funk needs to be busted

It takes lots of work to do what we do
And special space pilots to help run this crew

So, it’s with great pleasure that I present to you
The two 2020 Iron Cogs, that’s right two!

This pilot keeps us all in our place
Leading by example with style and grace
Always ready to help a pilot in need
TurboHoney is the Starchaser queen bee, indeed

This pilot is all heart and full of sass
If they weren’t right most of the time, they’d be such a pain in my [aft]
With the Prime Directive always front and center
Mad Owl soars above to guide us through any weather

Thank you Iron Cogs you’ve earned your place well
In legends of Heroes for all to tell

Fly safe, dear Starchasers, fly safe and fly true
Move forward & strive to be a superhero you.

Three cheers for the Iron Cogs!

*******

Finally, all Starchasers were presented with pins, spoke cards, stickers, and gifts exchanged before we loaded all the toys into the transports. Then, the Starchasers flew off out of sight, shouting “Merry Life Day to all and to all a goodnight!”
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
Boomer CivilianShip4 234.665  
Civitron Starfire 1046.54   Captain
Firefly Gemini (Bombardier) 428.879   Petty Officer 3rd Class
Legehammer CivilianShip5 24.6654  
Mad Owl Civilianship 124.665  
RedBeard Gemini 754.271   Petty Officer 3rd Class
SadCow CivilianShip2 24.6654  
Shadowman My F.E.N.Y.S. 336.261   Aviator
SheRa Merica 196.47  
TurboHoney Hook 398.327   Petty Officer 1st Class
TV CivilianShip3 24.6654  
Veve CivilianShip6 24.6654  
Zardoz Voluptuous 64.1468  
Mission Task Pilot
Airlock Civitron
Cleaner TurboHoney
Compressor Wrangler Civitron
ComSat Monkey RedBeard
Comsat Monkey Partner 1 Firefly
Damage Control Civitron
Deck Officer Firefly
Deck Officer Asst. RedBeard
Filmer Boomer
Flat Bag Shadowman
Life Support Synthesis Civitron
Medi Bag Civitron
Minister of Zoobs Civitron
Mission Leader Civitron
Mission Pinner Firefly
Mission Reporter Civitron
MRC Officer RedBeard
Navigator Shadowman
Print Jockey Civitron
Radio Wrangler Civitron
RadioBox A Civitron
Radiobox B TurboHoney
RadioBox C Mad Owl
Radiobox D RedBeard
Radiobox E Firefly
Skynet Operator (post-mission) Civitron
Stellar Cartographer Civitron
Sticker Bag Mad Owl
Still Cam Boomer
Tailgunner Civitron
Tool Bag TurboHoney
Division: SCD
Date: 12/19/2020
Status: Success 
Origin: Fort Jonathan
Destination: Holiday Lights
Light Years: 10.4245
G-Well Activity: 0.8532
Technical Rating: 2.9632