Chin On The Rim
Remember kids, creativity is the food of the devil.
You'll have nothing to be merry about.
12/13/97 - 7:00 pm Earth Time
Forget the birth of Christ - You've got more important things to do.
In order to race you must have one of the following:
Extensive brain damage
No life
No riding experience at all
One (1) day to live
Extensive brain damage

A bike is defined as having the following:
At least one wheel which rotates while riding.
Some sort of seating system
A minimum of four (4) metal parts

The bike can not have:
A working motor
A value of over $100.00
A highest gear larger than 500 gear inches.
A prayer of surviving the night

Campaigns included the classic operations:
Donut loop
The Santa "bash"
Mass start
Time trial
Most riders went home with blood on their persons, either theirs or someone else's. Pilots experienced equal parts fun and pain. The race promoters took no legal responsibility for damage done to body or bike. First the troops warm up by performing the traditional donut loop race. Victory goes to the first soldier to consume one earth donut and ride one lap.
Pilot Ship Points Promotion
Fleet Admiral Skunk Abandon All Hope 124.25   Petty Officer 3rd Class
Mission Task Pilot
Division: MAD
Date: 12/13/1997
Status: Failure 
Origin: Seven Cycles
Destination: Around the Shop
Light Years: 5.11
G-Well Activity: 0.003
Technical Rating: 3.585