Life Day 2017
As the daystar set on Somerville System, pilots converged on Fort Tyler, decked out in full dress uniform, their ships laden down with gifts and goodies of all sorts for a short flight to a long party. The Fleet Admiral was heard boasting that no one, nay, no one, had witnessed his creations ahead of time, though such secrecy had required much elbow grease and many hours of work. Pilots gathered on the launchpad, with BaneThunderwolf at one end of the line and Dead Bride at the other. Snow flew in, hauling a trailer full of steering dampener, mere seconds before the Fleet Admiral gave Bane the con, and our theme song ablaze from the sonic disruptors, we set off for an easy ride. Bane took care not to take us up too many evil g-wells, with the cargo in mind, though he did take us for a loop around a Funkin’ Gonuts transport lot in search of the season’s final points.
We sailed over an illuminated bridge and docked in a grassy field, where we enjoyed food molecules courtesy of Pastry Queen, Snow, and Bane. Threespeed had loaded a camp stove on the back of Strangelove, and within minutes, hot cocoa molecules were also on offer. Last year’s Iron Cog, excess, celebrated his having to be an example for everyone by showing that he only wanted to touch us with a twenty-foot pole.
Speaking of touching with a pole, Rocket knighted his maggot Eyyou, almost forgetting to make him vow to BUST THE FUNK! But worry not, he vowed. Then, Leotard was re-knighted by Fleet Admiral Skunk with the Knightsaber of Eternal Truth, and Fleet Admiral Skunk knighted for the first time, because when you start a gang, no one makes you acknowledge that space travel is dangerous and its risks include being sucked out of an airlock, chafing, drama, or having certain sensitive body parts chewed off by space monkeys -- or promise to BUST THE FUNK. Hugs all around! Our extremities may have been chilled, but our hearts were warm.
And so began the Awarding of Awards.
Shadowcat received Flying Ace for his astounding 5 derby wins. Man, you’d almost think he’s as agile as a...OK maybe too obvious.
Lordmcfuzz, Red Squirrel, and Dead Bride reached 50 missions, Dogi reached 100 missions, DrClaw and Wombat 200, Threespeed 300.
Outpost: everyone who went to Lowell, Lithuania, or Starchasers Reach the Beach. Check the dang mission pages.
Intergalactic: everyone who rode DC’s one-way century. DC gave out mission pins. Check the dang mission pages.
Multiverse: crazy dang raccoons. Also Goku because he came here! At this point, Bane gave out mission pins for the three missions flown in Lithuania, and also for the For the Points mission that followed Bermuda Triangle. Lousy point grubbers. :)
Personal awards. SO MANY!
Leotard gave necklaces to couscous for being awesome and flamboyant, perilous for his constant smile, Punchy for being an amazing human being and DC for his unmistakeable laugh.
Punchy gave Fuzz a Backseat Navigator award for help navi-ing their first mission.
Dr Claw gave custom pins to Punchy (who doubled over in laughter to see a fist on their button), Antlers, RadMax, Tanager, Shadowcat, and Pastry Queen.
Antlers gave a custom spoke card to Snow.
Tanager gave out knitted roses to three pilots who Rose to the Occasion when she was in trouble: Dr Claw, Pastry Queen, and Everest (in absentia)
Dead Bride gave things that I forget to Snow (cake) and DrClaw, and a membership to the Broken Spoke of the Month club to Wombat.
Lordmcfuzz gave clocks made of decommissioned sprockets to Leotard and Bane, and the recreated tool from Lithuania that saved the day and prompted a ingenuity award to Pastry Queen.
RadMax gave a giant SCUL Band-Aid to Wombat for causing him to rip his jacket.
Couscous gave something to Leotard, and a banana blaster to Pastry Queen.
Pastry Queen gave something to Punchy(a Chao bell), a wire kitty to Shadowcat, a buff ice cream cone to Excess, a model of the ship AIL Threadmometer to Bane that his butt can’t fit on (don’t knock it till you try it, said Excess), a Pointy Award (with Threespeed) to Lordmcfuzz for being king of the point whores, and a CENSORED cloth and a dance belt as well to help protect valuable parts from being chewed by space monkeys(with help from Bane Thunderbutt), and mission pins from Reach The Beach with Starchasers.
Dogi gave flip flop pins to everyone!
BaneThunderwolf gave a meowing cat clip to Shadowcat(so we'll be able to find him), and territory maps of all the routes ridden by their respective SCUL divisions to Skunk and Civitron(in absentia).
Threespeed gave Leotard the longest skinniest pair of bunny ears ever, and Pastry Queen a glass cog.
Kpafun entertained us all with his superb harmonica skills while the Fleet Admiral set up the highest honors of SCUL: the Cogs.
Five Stone Cogs were awarded: Perilous, RadMax, Punchy, Shadowcat, and Couscous.
Bronze Cog was awarded: Lordmcfuzz.
What strange space forces were at work? I’ll let the poem say the rest…
Ode to the Iron Cogs 2017
In ‘96 Skunk started a gang
in order to have some people to hang
then Crack ('98) came along and believed in Skunk
she actually showed up and rode all that junk
NoWay ('99) rode with unstoppable vigor
which made our numbers 50% bigger
WalTor earned it for Y2K no doubt
He lives and dies by my command: until it’s time to take me out.
In 2001 the honor was Vomit’s
She made a home for the fort -- well above and beyond it.
It happened to Diva in 2002
Living litmus test for the chopper groove
The same year, MegaSeth earned his pips
the beauty of his code rivaled only by his ships
In 2003 we gave it to Moose
A pilot and a friend who helps us deduce
Moose was happy to share his year with Rotwang
An easy rider and a boon to the gang.
Nameless builds ships as tough as a hog
2004 was his year for the cog.
ThreeSpeed ('05) saves the mission with excellent grace,
We made up new medals to keep up with his pace
Hapto ('06) shows us the meaning of Chic,
Tiara! Tiara! Flight-paths unfit for the weak.
Ehawk’s ('08) award night we’ll never forget
Though I suspect her hangover’s one she regrets.
Nosepicker ('08) got it by traveling through time.
Shut up! (nosepicker nosepicker nosepicker)
Leotard’s ('09) the one who lets the admiral know
It’s time to ride: the crew wants to go
How can you begin to measure Hack’s worth ('10)
Revolutionary master of organized work.
Yt ('11) is awesome at keeping the books
Jedi-level hooping with the stylishest of looks
No one more stalwart than our friend Treekiller ('12)
Always a hugger and never a quitter
A tiger run over by a horse has his mane underhoof,
Oh and by the way -- 2013’s iron cog belongs to: Baaaaaaaaaaane Thunderwolf
Computio audio photeo geek -
demoscener Dr.Claw ('14) does it all for his friends in the fleet.
Skin tight spandex of incredible dayglow,
Civitron ('15) is the very essence of hero.
Excess ('16) never stops, he’s an unstoppable force,
The right attitude and strong as a horse.
All these pilots we’ll always remember
We never give up - never surrender!
As this poem grows longer and longer
The stamina of Life Day pilots must get incremently stronger.
So of all you superstars of the ‘17 crew
Listen up cause I’m talking at you!
The season’s champion was too hard to choose.
There’s not one Iron Cog this year - in fact there are two!
The love for my gang I can’t possibly hide
nor is my joy to give Iron Cogs to Pastry Queen and Dead Bride.